This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
