i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize