I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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