exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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