She's JV to your varsity
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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