i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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