I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
