Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
