Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
