we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
