that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize