Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
