Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
tequila makes me forget i have legs
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
