Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
