I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
