3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
