just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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