Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Randomize