you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she told me i tasted like america
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
