4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
