plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
