too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
