whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
