How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
