O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize