Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
