He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize