yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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