Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
