it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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