Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
