Don't make out with my wife yet
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize