Kiss
Puke
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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