i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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