peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
