OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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