Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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