Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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