Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
