Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
