Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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