got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This baby is an asshole
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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