even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
