Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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