i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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