You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
