My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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