I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize