There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
