My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
