I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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