so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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