she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
