Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
