I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
