If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
