I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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