omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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