Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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