i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize