Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
