i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Girls should come with a carfax report
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
