Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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