and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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