i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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