He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Alive.
So much puke
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
