You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
