just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
