I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
