I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
