You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
