Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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