Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize