worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
