I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
