Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
