You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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