just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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