If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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