Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
