I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
