i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
