I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize