Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
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