My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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