A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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