He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
