I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
