i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
