i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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