Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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