Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
