i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
