just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
