I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
