Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He better not be in your backpack
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
