after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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