I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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