He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
