ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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