we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
