i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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