Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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