im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize