I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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