6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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