omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
