I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
