I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
