Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
