i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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