I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
