I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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