TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
