Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
