I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
