Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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