I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
