My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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