he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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