my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
